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How to have a healthy sex life after kids

blog sex May 25, 2022

Is it even possible to have a sex life after kids? Many new parents might answer this with a resounding “no!” but not only is it possible—it’s necessary, too! Reconnecting with your partner is an important step to ensure that you have a healthy partnership. Having a baby changes everything, but you shouldn’t forget that you have to focus on your relationship as partners just as much as the little people you’re helping keep alive. Here are some tips to help get you started. 

Set realistic expectations

First, you need to completely readjust your expectations for a sex life now that you are parents. You won’t be having night after night of alone time, with candles strewn about the house as your favourite music plays softly in the background. You’ll need to figure out what your new life looks like—and that’s okay! Make sure you communicate your expectations and listen to your partner’s and go from there. Don’t put pressure on yourselves to jump right in whenever you decide you’re ready. You’ve just gone through a significant life change; let things settle for a little bit if you need to. 

Find a new normal

Now that you’re parents, there’s no such thing as normal. There will always be something in the way of a perfect sex life. One of your kids is sick, there’s a mess everywhere, you’re busy with scheduling your kid’s soccer practice rides or you’re just plain exhausted. Accept that things will always be more hectic and that there will always be “something” in the way; once you do this, you can start learning how to reincorporate a sex life into the new normal. (Just because sex is scheduled doesn’t mean it can’t be hot.)

Make sure you’re connecting with one another

‚Ä®Remember that time isn’t quite as abundant now that you’re a parent, so you probably won’t get a whole evening to yourself—but you might get an hour or two after the kids go to sleep. And though extravagant day-long lovers' getaways are probably not in the cards on a regular basis, having planned date nights can help make sure you’re getting that one-on-one time together. Going to dinner or a movie or doing an activity you love together is a great way to focus only on each other, but even if you can’t get a babysitter, there’s no rulebook that says simply ordering takeout and switching off your phones doesn’t count as a date (in fact, it means the bedroom is even closer when you’re ready to spice things up).

(Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash)

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