Unlocking the secrets to a better sex life: A sex coach's perspective

experts sex Sep 26, 2023
Two people holding hands on a bed. The focus is only on the hands.

From our 2023 resident scholar Sabrina Baldini of After Sex Ed

Human beings are a pleasure-seeking species. We love to have fun and we love to play. And sex is play…right?

This was one of the first questions posed to me when I decided to pursue an education in sexual health and become a sex coach.

Think about what kids do: They play! They don’t keep score, there are no winners or losers, they’re messy, creative, silly and curious. And for some reason, when we become adults, we stop playing. So, sex is how adults can play.

Is that how you have sex? Do you play?

Is there a final goal or end result that must be achieved?

What do you like more, the destination or the journey?

The most common question I get from people is, “How do you get a better sex life?” And the truth is that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. Every person and every couple is different.

But, I can say this for sure: the couples that have the most satisfying sex lives are the ones that talk about it the most. When you talk about sex and prioritize conversations about it, it means that sex isn’t just happening in the bedroom now—it’s happening wherever you go. It’s on your mind and you start to think about it and desire it more. When you take the time to think about sex—really explore your fantasies and give your sexuality the attention and curiosity it deserves—it will shock you what kinds of people or places or activities will pique your curiosity!

Not sure where to start? Start with yourself! Let’s do a little sex coaching exercise together, shall we?

What is sex? How do you define it? How do you do it?

What is intimacy? How do you do it? How do you define that?

Are they the same thing? Why or why not?

Take some time to really think about these questions and if you’re partnered, invite them to the conversation. Just be ready. Why?

I will let you in on a little secret. The best advice I ever received was from my professor who told me, “When doing fantasy exploration with couples, you must tell them that they have to prepare themselves for the moment when they will be shocked by what their partner reveals. Not if, but, when!”

Boy, were they right! And I will offer another piece of advice, too: prepare yourself for the moment(s) that you may give yourself a shock about your own sexuality, be it what you’re thinking about or what you’ve become attracted to. Your sexuality will constantly shock, surprise and excite you…if you let it!


Sabrina Baldini is a sex coach and educator with a course called Sex Drive Mismatches available online for download.

Use code MOMHALO25 to receive 25% off of the course.


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